Mila Bobadova: I want to be responsible, that’s why I see a therapist

Dr Mila Bobadova is a veterinarian and a founder of the famous “Good idea” vet clinic in Sofia, Bulgaria. She is one of the “100 most influential women in Bulgaria” according to Capital magazine, and a laureate of the Bulgarian Helsinki Committee “Person of the Year” award for her active work on the topic of violence against animals. This interview is part of a series of conversations with popular Bulgarians on mental wellbeing, organised by our Bulgarian member “Skin – mental health platform”.  In the run-up to the European Mental Health Week, Skin calls for an open discussion about mental health. 

Tell me about your fears. What scares you? Were there times when you couldn’t deal with them (fears) and needed help?  
We all have fears. I, as an ambitious woman, for example, am afraid of failure. But I sought help for another fear. Adoption. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, and neither the stork nor the bees have brought us a child. I’m not one of those women who see drama in this. That’s how it should have been. And I don’t think I have the most wonderful genes to have to pass on to anyone. I would have a hard time accepting this guilt, to be completely honest. And for this reason, we decided to adopt a child. We have been waiting for a year and a half, and I have been going to therapy for 3 years. I am getting ready. I want to be responsible. I am afraid that I will pass on some patterns of behaviour to this child. That I would burden it with my problems, with my fatigue, with my haste and my nerves. Everyone thinks that these would be problems for emotional people. I assure you, as a strictly rational person, for me, these fears are more than huge. I fight with myself not to mutilate this child but to turn it into a real meaningful person. But, we’ll see in the end what my husband and I will create. 

What is your attitude to motherhood? What does “mother” mean to you, and what is her role? Is there a watch for you? 
It was never a fixed idea for me. I would never undergo stimulations or in vitro. My mother died of breast cancer. There is no need for me to undergo procedures, give birth and then abandon this new person because I will simply die. I don’t want this child to go through what I went through burying my mother as a child. Therefore, in this sense, for me, a mother is not the one who gave birth to you, but the one who made you a person. Especially for some children. Because as per documents, a “mother” is also the woman who leaves her sick child to die alone in the hospital, among strangers (a reference to a real-life story at the time). How is she better than the woman who would adopt a child and give them love, warmth and a future? This is nonsense. As for the biological clock. You have to stop this mantra with “tick-tack, time is running out, when will you become a mother”. We cannot imagine the scale of the malice caused by this constant pressure with “time and eggs running out” and that they must, by all means, give birth! Hundreds of pressed women make hasty decisions, and the results are a time bomb because this tension inevitably affects the children and create an endless spiral of mistakes, and new mistakes, and new mistakes. 

Tell me three (five, ten …) things that help you feel good in your skin and give you the strength to meet everyday challenges? 
My husband’s support. And music. I am a predatory consumer of music. I can listen to music around the clock. It makes me travel, fly, feel every cell, feel alive. To cry, to laugh, to dream. 

Why is being in your body the best place you can be? 
Because no one else will want you in theirs 🙂 

This interview was first published on “Skin – mental health platform.”